EŞLER ARASI ÇATIŞMAYA NEDEN OLAN FAKTÖRLER

Özet

Eşler arasında yaşanan çatışmalar son yıllarda en çok tartışılan konular arasında yer almaktadır. Evliliğin doğası gereği her birliktelikte çatışmaya sebep olan faktörler bulunmaktadır. Yeni modern çekirdek aile; kurgusu, işleyişi ve özellikleri itibariyle bir takım farklılıklar ve yeni ölçütler üretmiştir. Yaşanan toplumsal değişim sonucunda kadın ve erkeğin aynı oranda çalışma hayatına girmesiyle kadına yüklenen geleneksel normlar daha fazla sorgulanmakta ve eşitlikçi bir aile yapısı benimsenmeye çalışılmaktadır. Toplumumuzda var olan bu sosyal değişimle, geniş aile çekirdek aileye dönüştüğü gibi çatışmaya sebep olan faktörler de dönüşüme uğramıştır. Bu çalışmada toplumsal değişimle birlikte evlilikte meydana gelen yeni çatışma problemlerinin tartışılması amaçlanmıştır. Ayrıca değişimle beraber yaşanan sorunların tabanına inmeye ve bu sorunların nasıl önlenebileceğine dikkat çekilmeye çalışılmıştır. Yöntem olarak gözlem ve veri araştırması benimsenmiştir. Bu alanda daha önce yapılmış çalışmalar derlenmiş, mevcut bulgular değerlendirilmiş ve konu ile ilgili araştırmaların bulgularından hareketle yorumlar yapılarak eşler arası çatışmaya sebep olan faktörler üzerinde durulmuştur. Aile içi sorunları psiko-sosyal, sosyo-ekonomik, psiko-sosyoteknolojik, ebeveyn çocuk ilişkileri ve cinsel sorunlar olarak özetlemek mümkündür. Aile bireylerinin özgürlük, sosyo-ekonomik bağımsızlık ve bireyselleşme eğilimleri Türk aile yapısında alışılmamış yeni kriterler olarak aile içi iletişimsizliği doğurmakta ve bu durum çatışmalara yol açmaktadır. Aile bireylerinin düşünce, ihtiyaç ve beklentilerini birbirleriyle açıkça konuşma cesareti gösterememeleri, sorunlarının çözümünde rehberlik hizmeti alma ihtiyacı duymamaları, imkân ve doyumsuzluğa dayalı oluşan yüksek taleplerini sınırlayamamaları, dayanışma, kullanamamaları çatışmaları körüklemektedir. Eşlerin çalışma yaşamları ve ekonomik gelirlerini bağımsızlaşma yerine aile geçimini destekleme, eğitim seviyeleri kendilerini ön plana çıkarma ve son sözü söyleme yerine doğru karar vermeye katkı sağlama, harcama kültüründe teknolojik gelişmelere dayalı olarak savurganlık ve gösteriş yerine ihtiyaca göre bilinçli tüketim, cinsel konularda bireysel talep ve tatmin yerine kolektif bilinç ve birlikte tatmin anlayışını hâkim kılmaları eşler arasındaki çatışmaları azaltacak ve aile huzurunu artıracaktır.

Abstract

The conflicts between spouses are among the subjects which have been mostly discussed recently. Regarding the nature of marriage, there are factors that lead to conflicts in every togetherness. The new, modern nuclear family editing have produced several differences and new criteria. As a result of the social change that has been experienced, the traditional norms assigned to woman are questioned more and an egalitarian family structure is trying to be adopted due to the fact that both males and females have entered the working life evenly. With this social change which is available in our society, the factors leading to conflict have been transformed like extended family’s converting into nuclear family. This study aims at discussing the new conflict problems that occur in the family together with the social change. Also, it is expected to attract attention towards analyzing the background of the problems having been experienced with the change and how to prevent these problems. Observation and data research has been adopted as method. The earlier studies on this field have been collected, available findings have been evaluated and the factors leading to conflict between spouses have been given importance by commenting with our opinions related to the subject. It is possible to summaries family problems as Psycho-social, socioeconomic, psycho-socio-technological, parent-child relationships and sexual independence, and individualization tendencies create interfamilial lack of communication as unfamiliar new criteria in Turkish family structure and this situation leads to conflicts. That family members cannot show the courage in order to talk to each other clearly about their thoughts, needs and expectations, they do not need to get guidance service for the solutions of their problems, they cannot restrict their high demands based on opportunity and dissatisfaction, they cannot use their abilities of solidarity, incorporation, and tolerance in a balanced way embitters the conflicts. Spouses’ supporting family life rather than independency of their working lives and economic incomes, contributing to making a right decision instead of bringing themselves and their education levels to forefront and telling the last word, conscious consumption according to the needs instead of extravagance and show off based on the technological developments in spending culture, collective consciousness and dominating understanding of satisfaction together rather than individual demand and satisfaction about sexual subjects will decrease the conflicts between the spouses and increase family tranquility. The societies transmit their social and cultural structure, moral and general judgments, development and sustainability to from generation to generation through the family union and preserve the social order. But even in regular and happy families in society, conflicts are encountered among spouses. Conflicts between spouses are among the much debated topics in society The new modern core family has produced a number of differences and new criteria in terms of its structure, function, and features As a result of the social change that has taken place, the traditional norms imposed on women by their involvement in the same working life of women and men are being questioned further and attempted to adopt an egalitarian family structure. With this social change that exists in our society, the factors that cause conflict as well as the transformation of the wider family into the nuclear family have been transformed. Purpose andMethod In this study, it is aimed to discuss the new conflict problems that have taken place in marriage with social change. In addition, efforts have been made to draw attention to the roots of the problems that emerges out of the change and how these problems can be avoided. As a methodology, observation and data research have been adopted. Previous studies have been compiled in this area, existing findings have been evaluated and comments have been made from the findings of the researches related to the subject, and the factors causing the conflict between the spouses have been emphasized. Discussion It is possible to summarize the domestic problems as psycho-social, socio-economic, psycho-socio-technological, parental child relations and sexual problems. Freedom, socio-economic independence and individualization tendencies of family members lead to domestic miscommunication as unconventional new criteria in Turkish family structure, eventually lead to conflicts. Tezer (1986) lists the factors leading to conflict and incompatibility in marriage using the researches made in Turkey and abroad. The lack of communication between spouses, constant controversy of spouses, unsatisfied emotional needs, sexual dissatisfaction between spouses, disputes about money management of spouses, problems with their families, problems with children, authority struggle at home, skepticism, discrimination and disloyalty, alcohol and drug addiction, Physical aggression, disagreement in the use of leisure time, differences in political views and beliefs, complexity of current roles in the family. These conflicts occurring between the spouses are inherent in each marital relationship and can be repeated continuously. The main problem lies in the inability to resolve the debate and clashes between spouses. The inability to resolve these conflicts in the family leads to deterioration in family and family functions. Thus, many of the problems, such as chronic health problems, psychological problems, behavioral disorders, are triggered and fed by these conflicts in these families, where unresolved conflicts are experienced. Conflict does not help solve the problems between spouses. On the contrary, they cause negative feelings such as resentment, despair, helplessness, sadness, a sense of incomprehensibility, anger and hatred. Moreover, these ongoing conflicts cause the couples to start reacting to each other over ti