EMOTIONS HIDDEN IN LULLABYES MOTHERHOOD IN LOVEHATE DILEMMA

Abstract

Can a baby, product of a powerful emotion like love, be mentioned with an emotion like hate? Here is one of the important thoughts written by the authors interested in the subject: some expressions mentioned in lullabies, plays or tales are not so innocent or have not such emotional contents. Winnicot’s “Hate in the Countertransference” is one of the attempts to justify this thought. According to the author, if she cannot hate her baby in a proper manner depending on what happened after pregnancy, maternity and postpartum periods, there is no other way for her from failing to stand against the masochism. The pregnancy and post pregnancy are a beginning of an era for woman. The woman, who completes the adolescence period, experiences the change of role by taking the place of the woman who gave birth to herself. On the other hand, it is a renunciation from being the last generation. This period is also the rare periods where the woman experiences the confidential meeting with herself. This is a period when the anxiety, conflict, fear and concerns make her mind confused at most. The body changing with the pregnancy belongs to the fetus not to her any more. The revival of premotherhood periods is a matter in terms of woman. The woman experiences the change of role in every respect. Her changing body will serve for a new duty. The motherhood outweighs in motherhood/ femaleness dilemma but her mind strives to adopt this new role. On the other hand, a life like priestess starts for woman. The woman may feel the need to return to her love life and put some distance between her baby and herself within the process. We can say depending on the sum of all these experiences that the load of woman is not just the load in her belly. Finally, the sum of these changes will form a basis for the emotional overflows in the woman. Hate, not containing any harmful things, is a feeling to conserve the relation. It is a reflection of intimacy rather than withdrawal. In this sense, mother should be able to hate her baby in a proper manner. Lullabies, plays and tales come mother’s rescue to help her accept reciprocal emotions (love-hate) she has within the relation.Within the studies reflected in the literature about motherhood, one of the interesting thesis confronted us is that; “Is it possible to call a baby, product of a strong feeling as love, with a feeling like hate?”. One of the important thoughts written by the writers related to the subject is that: Some expressions in lullabies, games or fairy tales are not as innocent or sensible as thought. Winnicot’s “Hate in Counter-transference” (1994) study is one of the attendances for grounding this thought. According to the writer, if the woman does not hate her baby because of the things she lived during her pregnancy, birth and after birth, she has to fall in masochism. For a woman living with double values (love-hate) these emotions must be thrown out in some way. In this sense lullabies, games or fairy tales are releasing the destructive thoughts of the woman. The motherhood which is starting from falling of the child into the womb is richness as well as injury for the woman. This is richness for a woman because of justification of her by this new creature and pride that she feels, and also it is an injury because of this creature is exploiting her. Nominately, pregnancy is a deformity. The reason of this deformity is the purpose of sustaining the kind. According to the relevant writers, the physical events in the first months of the pregnancy (like nausea, listlessness, dizziness) are in a kind of reaction to this sense of tearing. In other words, this is a sign of the woman denying the baby without noticing. Especially vomiting behavior is the reflection of the fear to the body. And this situation is unique for humans. There is no other mammal living this situation. Briefly even the woman desires the baby, the body defies against this. This process in which the profits and losses are handled together, is taking the woman into nothingness in a way. The woman standing between two senses is struggling to stay balanced with the involving of different senses. The pregnancy and the following period are like the starting of a new age for the woman. The woman finishing her adolescent period changes the roles with the woman who gave birth to her. On the other hand it is a renunciation from being the last generation. It is a journey from the membership of one generation to a next generation. This period is also one of the rare times which the woman is confronting herself in a private way. It is a period that anxiety, conflict, fear and concern are confusing the mind mostly. There are some reasons triggering these senses. First of all the changing body with the pregnancy does not belong to her anymore. It belongs to the fetus and serving it. Many thoughts coming with these extreme emotions according to this commitment sense are forcing the woman. Such as, the direst feeling of these senses is to give birth to a child with a deficiency. The woman can perceive this situation as a sign of a sin. With this new period, the base of a new life is coming into existence. In this process woman can feel the need of returning back to her love life and putting a distance between her and the child. According to all of these facts, we can say that the woman’s burden is not only the burden on her belly. Eventually the total of these changes form the basis for the emotional overflowing in the woman. The last time period of the birth is allowing the woman to admire her baby. The reaction against the separation is tried to be defeated by rediscovering the baby. With the birth she becomes over emotional against her baby from the first weeks. She identifies herself with her baby instinctually to meet all the needs of the baby. All these senses are actually the reflection of the love of the mother to the baby. Such as the woman uses the adjectives she used for her lover. In this relatio

Özet

Sevgi gibi kuvvetli bir duygunun ürünü olan bebek, nefret gibi bir duyguyla anılabilir mi? Konuya ilgi duyan yazarların kaleminden çıkan düşüncelerden birisi şudur: Ninnilerde, oyunlarda ya da masallarda geçen bazı ifadeler sanıldığı kadar masum ya da duygusal bir içeriğe sahip değildir. Winnicot'un "Karşı Aktarımda Nefret" çalışması bu düşünceyi temellendirme girişimlerinden birisidir. Yazara göre kadın, hamilelik, doğum ve doğum sonrasında yaşadıklarına bağlı olarak uygun bir şekilde bebeğinden nefret edemezse mazoşizme düşmek zorundadır. Hamilelik ve sonrası kadın açısından yeni bir devrin başlangıcı gibidir. Erginlik dönemini tamamlayan kadın kendini dünyaya getirenin yerini alarak rol değişimi yaşamaktadır. Öte yandan son kuşak olmaktan da bir vazgeçiştir. Bu dönem aynı zamanda kadının kendiyle olan mahrem karşılaşmasının da yaşandığı ender zamanlardandır. Endişe, çatışma, korku ve kaygıların zihni en çok bulandırdığı bir dönemdir. Gebelikle birlikte değişen beden ona değil fetüse aittir ve onun hizmetindedir. Kadın açısından annelik öncesi tarihin canlanması da söz konusudur. Kadın her açıdan bir rol değişimine uğramaktadır. Değişen bedeni yeni bir göreve hizmet edecektir. Kadınlık annelik ikileminde annelik ağır basmakta, zihni bu yeni role adapte olma mücadelesi vermektedir. Öte yandan hamilelik deneyimi kadına yaşam ve ölüm kavramlarını hatırlatır. Kadın korkuyu ve de ölümü aynı anda hisseder.Diğer yandan rahibe benzeri bir hayat başlamaktadır kadın için. Süreç içinde kadın aşk yaşamına dönme ve çocuğuna belli bir mesafe koyma ihtiyacı hissedebilir. Bütün bu yaşananların toplamına bağlı olarak diyebiliriz ki kadının yükü sadece karnındaki yük değildir. Neticede bu değişimlerin toplamı kadında duygusal taşmalara zemin hazırlayacaktır.Zarar vermek amaçlı bir içeriğe sahip olmayan nefret, ilişkiyi muhafaza etmek için hissedilen bir duygu niteliğindedir. Uzaklaşmanın değil yakınlaşma isteğinin bir yansımasıdır. Bu anlamda anne uygun bir şekilde bebeğinden nefret edebilmelidir. Yaşadığı iki yönlü duyguların (sevginefret) ilişki içinde kabul edilebilmesinde annenin imdadına ninniler, masallar ve oyunlar yetişmektedir